100 Women

Woman 3

Name: Amanda

Age: 57

Birthplace: London

What does Feminism mean to you?

Feminism to me means never having to utter the words “will it be ok if ….”. Do you mind if…..?” It’s never having to pander to men’s egos because they are fragile believe you me!

Feminism is knowing your own worth as a woman and that came very late for me. When you realise you do know best for yourself and should never be told anything else by anyone especially a man it’s a eureka moment ! Once out you can never put it back in the box!

For me the dawning truth that not all was equal was after I had my first child. My life stopped and the father of my child’s carried on like nothing much had happened !
I suddenly had two jobs my career plus running a home and sorting out our child! My ex husband knew I would never let our child down and he played on that!

It was also whilst pregnant the verbal abuse started out of nowhere! Suddenly I was thrown into a whirlwind of abuse that came heading towards me and the wait for it was much worse than the actual abuse!

You know it’s wrong but you can’t quite put your finger on it ! And this is the worst aspect whilst you are in an abusive relationship you don’t realise you are in one it’s very cruel!

I went through a very difficult time leaving my ex husband losing my house and literally being destroyed by a man that was incandescent with rage that I said I am out, I will no longer be the person you can take your anger out on anymore!

With 3 boys going through A-levels and a degree all in one room (I knew it wouldn’t be easy, that’s what kept me in the relationship for so long)!
I finally felt free and I came back to who I was as a person, it took a while to adjust and not be scared all the time!

And you know who were there for me my girlfriends and 2 sisters and though I found it difficult to explain what had been going on for so many years, I had put such a brave face on it was difficult for some of them to understand.

I can’t write this piece without mentioning Womensaid who made me feel like I wasn’t going mad that what had happened was not my fault I cannot praise them enough! I saw with my own eyes the power of women when they support each other, our stories were the same despite where we had come from!

I also found a lovely partner who having bought up by women has the utmost respect for them!

When I look at the world, I can see the men that have got into very powerful positions they are just scared little boys and I think to myself I know you, I have lived with you, and you are taking all your insecurities out on women, minorities and anyone who stands up to you!

My piece de resistance is that my three boys have chosen lovely strong women to have relationships with, I know now I did a good job bringing them up despite everything it has taken time but we have all healed !

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